dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
