then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
