literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
