I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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