dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
