Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
