Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize