i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
