Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
