Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
