he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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