it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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