lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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