Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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