I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
