I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
