It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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