She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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