Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
