doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize