i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
