I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize