I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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