oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She announced her abortion via fbk
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
