dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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