apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
