bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
