just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize