I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
