Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
