Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Farmville is her only friend.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize