Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
