He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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