i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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