tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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