He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
