So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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