She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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