I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize