Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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