It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
