I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
