this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
