one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Randomize
