the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
