took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
