oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
