That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
