i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Randomize
