is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
