i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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