I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
