he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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