I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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