____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize