I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
