grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
