Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
