for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
