everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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