She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ladies don't puke and tell
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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