What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
