fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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