I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
