I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
