Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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