I want to have your abortion
he shaved USA in his pubs
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
