Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
